If you or your partner is getting ready to go back to work after parental leave, you may have a lot of questions. How will either of you manage with less help and without enough sleep? How will you share the work of parenting?
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach that works for everyone, but here are some tips that might help you through this big transition:
Talk about it and plan it out
- Talk with your partner about your feelings and expectations. One of the most helpful things you can do is talk openly and honestly with your partner about the changes. You might feel frightened, guilty, or just overwhelmed by the unknown. When you understand each other’s feelings, it’s easier to be kind and patient and work together as a team.
- Make a plan. Discuss the details of how you’ll manage this big transition together. Consider practical, day-to-day questions like how you’ll divide up housework and child care. Be prepared to adjust your plan as you go.
- Create a sleep schedule. Whether you’re the one with the baby during the day or the one who’s gone back to work, everyone needs sleep. So, work together to write a sleep schedule that gives everyone some solid rest. If you and your partner have different natural sleep schedules—say one loves to wake up early and the other is a night owl—lean into this difference as you create your plan.
- Think about weekends, too. Now’s a good time to share your priorities for non-work hours. Talk about how you’d like to balance family time, getting things done (like meal prep for the week), and finding space for self-care.
Gather and tap into your resources
- Rally your helpers. The back-to-work transition is a good time to tap friends and family for help with child care, errands, or tasks at home. If your budget allows, you may consider hiring a postpartum doula who can support recovery from birth, help you build parent coping skills, and provide some baby care and light housework. Hiring help for cleaning or a meal delivery service may also provide great stress relief.
- Know your rights at work. If the parent returning to work is breastfeeding, remember that employers must follow laws, including giving employees time and a clean, quiet space to pump. Check your local laws and your employers’ policies to learn your rights.
- Tap into professional support if you need it. Going back to work, or having your partner go back, happens during such a big adjustment period. If you or your partner are experiencing postpartum depression symptoms, such as overwhelming sadness, change in appetite or sleep, or thoughts of self-harm or harming the baby, please talk with a healthcare provider. If you are struggling with breastfeeding or milk production, a lactation specialist can help.
Don’t let perfection be the enemy of good
- If your partner works from home, discuss how to make it work. Working from home can make finding work-life balance hard, especially when a baby is in the house. And if one parent is working while the other is in charge of child care, it’s helpful to be clear about everyone’s roles so you can avoid frustration and hurt feelings. Before one of you starts to work again, talk about work hours, whether the working partner will help out at lunchtime, and whether they’ll jump into baby care right after the work day. Of course, remember that babies and work can be unpredictable, so a little flexibility can go a long way.
- Embrace each other’s differences. At the end of the day, many tasks have to get accomplished for a household to run. You may have preferences about how that looks! But if your partner is getting things done “their way,” try to embrace those differences and the check mark at the end of the task.
- It’s ok to be human. With a new baby, there are bound to be days (and weeks) when things don’t get done around the house or when sleep is rough and people are tired. It’s okay to let the small things go and remember that this phase is temporary.
Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team
