Some connections are obvious, like the connection between your baby’s full tummy and their contented little gurgles, while others, like the connection between their wide eyes watching you and their eventual language skills, might seem a little murkier. The connection in your body between breastfeeding and your sex drive probably falls somewhere in between. Over the past several decades, there has been scattered research about how breastfeeding affects a mother’s libido, but the connection remains hard to pin down, and it varies widely from person to person.
Hormonal effects
One of the most obvious effects breastfeeding can have is the effect on a new mom’s hormones. After giving birth, and in preparation for breastfeeding, the body starts to produce a larger amount of the hormones oxytocin and prolactin, and a smaller amount of the hormones estrogen and progesterone than usual. This hormonal shift can have a variety of different effects that can have an impact on sexual desire, including:
- Increased oxytocin: The increased oxytocin levels that come with breastfeeding can impact your libido in many ways. It’s a key hormone for maternal-child bonding, which is crucial during this time. The most visible effect of increased oxytocin is the milk ejection reflex, which can be triggered by orgasm, and can lead to leaking breasts in those intimate moments..
- Decreased estrogen: The decreased amount of estrogen in the body during breastfeeding, and especially before the first menstrual period after birth, has been linked with decreased sexual desire and increased vaginal dryness, which can make intercourse uncomfortable.
It’s true that, during breastfeeding, many women experience a decrease in or absence of sexual desire, but not all breastfeeding women experience a drop in sex drive. There is a wide range of what is normal, and you’ll find company no matter where you land on the spectrum. Like other areas of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum recovery, each woman’s body is different, and will have unique, individual reactions to these major life changes.
Related effects
Breastfeeding definitely isn’t the only thing that might be having an impact on a new mom’s sex drive. Tiredness is a big component of reduced sex drive, and breastfeeding can add to fatigue, especially if breastfeeding means you’re the one responsible for most nighttime wakings. Increased household tasks and mental load can change how we view our partner and a relationship overall. Experiencing baby blues or postpartum depression have both also been shown to have a significant impact on postpartum libido.
The truth is, taking care of a newborn is tiring in ways you may have never even thought of before, and there are many different ways that this change can affect your life and your moods, both inside the bedroom and out.
For many folks, libido will return as sleep improves or when you start to wean from breastfeeding. Until that time, open and honest communication with your partner about other ways to be intimate are so helpful. It’s easy for less sex to feel like a rejection, but all partners should understand this dramatic life shift.
But it’s also important to know that pregnancy, birth and parenthood can impact your sex drive all on their own. It’s normal to feel differently about sex, and for sex lives to change. Again, communication and trying to avoid blame can go a long way in finding a new normal.
Sources
- E.M. Alder, A. Cook, D. Davidson, C. West, J. Bancroft. “Hormones, mood and sexuality in lactating women.” British Journal of Psychiatry. 148: 74-9. Web.January 1986.
- M.D. Avery, L. Duckett, C.R. Franzich. “The experience of sexuality during breastfeeding among primiparous women.” Journal of Midwifery and Women’s Health. 45(3): 227-37. Web. May-June 2000.
- G. Barratt, E. Pendry, J. Peacock, C. Victor, R. Thakar, I. Mayonda. “Women’s sexual health after childbirth.” British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology. 107(2): 186-95. Web. February 2000.
- M.A. DeJudicibus, M.P. McCabe. “Psychological factors and the sexuality of pregnant and postpartum women.” Journal of Sex Research. 39(2): 94-103. Web. May 2002.
- Viola Polomeno. “Sex and Breastfeeding: An Educational Perspective.” Journal of Perinatal Education. 8(1): 30-40. Web. Winter 1999.
- “Not in the Mood.” New Beginnings. 18(2): 67-68. Web. March-April 2001.
