When bringing a baby home, getting sibling relationships started on the right foot can go a long way in helping older brothers and sisters adjust to their new role in the family. Here are some ways to help children interact and bond with their newborn siblings.
Pay attention to the tone of an older sibling’s first meeting with the baby
When an older sibling comes to meet their younger baby sibling at the hospital, whether at the hospital or when you first come home, make a big deal of the older child. Greet them enthusiastically, and let them know how much you missed them. Be delighted, make eye contact, give hugs and kisses, and then introduce them to the baby. Filling their heart with love before turning attention to the baby will help ease any fear and uncertainty they might have. Bonus points for having your newborn in a bassinet or the arms of another adult to start!
Bringing siblings to the hospital for a visit requires planning. Avoid any nap times or meal times for your older child. Try to get some wiggles out at a playground right before the visit. Pack snacks, toys and other diversions. Ideally, there is one adult who can be responsible for toddler-age children, who may be restless or completely meltdown when they need to leave a parent at the hospital. Reading books about this type of visit, role playing and preparing them in any way you can is helpful!
Consider having a special present just for the older sibling
Since the new baby will likely receive gifts, this will help even the playing field. You can also tell your older child that the baby picked out the gift, especially for them. The older child can also be your helper while opening any of the baby’s gifts. A strategic gift can be a great distraction!
Set and explain clear guidelines for physical interactions with the baby
From the beginning, teach your child about washing their hands before coming near the baby, and about where it’s appropriate to touch and kiss the baby, such as the baby’s feet. Explain why it’s important not to touch Baby’s mouth, hands, or head if that’s your preference. This will set the groundwork for you to remind your child about the rules for keeping Baby safe rather than repeating vague admonitions to “be careful” or “be gentle.”
Make your older child your special helper
Young children feel important and “big” when they have jobs to do. Things, like tossing dirty diapers in the trash, getting the burp cloth, or squeezing water from a washcloth during bath time, will cause your child to feel included in the new rhythms of the household. Some older kids will want to feel just like a baby again, too. They may ask for things you no longer expect, like a blankie, to rock them and more. Try to be flexible depending on what you notice about your unique kiddo.
Spend exclusive time with just your older child
One way to keep resentment from building up is to show older siblings how important they are to you. For example, if the baby is crying and wants to be picked up and your older child wants you to read a book, see if your partner or another adult can comfort the baby while you choose to give your attention to the older child. When that isn’t possible, try your best not to blame the baby. Instead of saying, “the baby has to eat first,” try, “Can we all sit and read together?
It’s also beneficial to carve out scheduled one-on-one time with your older kiddos. Even 10-15 minutes of devoted time on most days makes a huge impact. Be sure to advertise it in the hours leading up to this special time, and make a big deal of how much you’re looking forward to it. Ideally, this is screen-free playtime that’s 100% directed by your older child’s wishes for play.
Simply keeping in mind how a new older sibling might be feeling and addressing their feelings by talking about them matters, especially when you’re willing to acknowledge and sympathize that it’s not always easy to be the bigger sibling. Your older child is going to have a lot of well-meaning adults saying things like, “Don’t you love your new baby?” so give them space to tell you how they truly feel.
Including them in baby-related activities can start to forge a bond towards the ultimate goal of a sibling relationship filled with love. And that’s the best kind of start.
