The old saying is true—it really does take a village to raise a child. In many parts of the world, traditions bring friends and family together to rally around new mothers, offering support so they can rest, recover, and transition gently into parenthood.
But even if your family doesn’t have this kind of tradition, support from extended family can be a huge help during the postpartum period. Families offer cultural understanding that can help you adjust to your new role as a parent, and they can give you the kind of help that comes from knowing you well.
Studies even show that having a strong support system of family and friends can help new parents manage symptoms of postpartum depression. Family can remind you that you’re not alone, give you a safe space to talk about your feelings, and provide practical help and breaks for self-care. (If you experience postpartum depression symptoms, please also reach out to your healthcare provider for support.)
But even with all the support families can offer, there can be stress, too. It’s a balancing act to welcome help while you’re also developing your own parenting style.
Tips for communicating across generations
Pretty much everyone—parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins—has their own ideas about the best ways to raise a baby. So, as a new parent, you may need some strategies for communicating your own preferences gently but firmly. Here are a few tips:
- Be specific about the help you need. When family members offer their support, it’s okay to tell them exactly what you need. Maybe it’s help with the laundry, dishes, meal prep, or running errands. People want to help in meaningful ways, so telling them what you really need shows respect for their time and wishes.
- Let them know that you value their experience, even if you want to do things differently. Parenting philosophies and safety guidelines change from generation to generation. When you and your family have different approaches, you may need to say something like, “I respect your experience as a parent, but we’d like to do things this way.” It can help to mention what you’ve learned from research, or what your pediatrician suggests.
- Set boundaries and share them. It’s okay to set guidelines for things like sharing photos of the baby on social media, or asking family members who smoke to change clothes before holding the baby. Clear boundaries can help you understand each other and avoid anger or hurt feelings.
- Share the practical details. Inform your family members about sleep and feeding schedules and ask for their help keeping them consistent. Writing out your expectations, boundaries, and tasks will help everyone understand your needs.
Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team
Sources:
- Grigsby, Lynda Lin. Parents. What Other Cultures Can Teach the US About Postpartum Rituals. https://www.parents.com/pregnancy/giving-birth/what-the-u-s-can-learn-about-the-time-after-birth-from-cultures-around-the-world/
- Kachi, Elvis. Parents. How Family Support Eases Postpartum Depression, According to a Doctor. https://www.parents.com/family-support-postpartum-depression-8357410
- Kemmerer, Shelley. Mommy’s Bliss. Managing the Extended Family During the Postpartum Period. https://mommysbliss.com/blogs/relationships/managing-the-extended-family-during-the-postpartum-period
- Modak, Anushree. Cureus. A Comprehensive Review of Motherhood and Mental Health: Postpartum Mood Disorders in Focus. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10613459/
