Cassandre’s Postpartum Story
I gave birth to my second child when I was 45 years old. I was postpartum at what is called an advanced maternal age.
I’m a doula, and during my second pregnancy, I was working in the maternal health space, so I was well-informed. However, while I was aware of what to expect during my postpartum period, I also knew that no matter how much you think you know, postpartum can and will impact you in unexpected ways. So you can’t really “prepare” for it as you can with some aspects of birth.
Baby blues
With my first pregnancy, I didn’t know what to expect. I remember I woke up the morning after I gave birth just crying. I didn’t understand what was happening to me and the overwhelming sadness that came over me. My very supportive midwife said it was the “baby blues.”
Prioritizing myself
After the birth of my second child, I was more confident addressing anything that would trigger me, make me cry or emotional. I’m an advocate for breastfeeding, but it’s never been easy for me. I remember it being a huge source of my postpartum depression with my first. So when I began breastfeeding my second child, I felt those same sad feelings. I made the decision to stop breastfeeding. It was a tough decision but the best one for me. I didn’t let my family or society get in the way of what I knew was best for me mentally.
Accepting my body, accepting me
The biggest trigger for me with both my pregnancies, but especially with my second, especially at an advanced maternal age, was my body. It had been over ten years since my first was born, so I was really nervous about my body and accepting this new version of me and how I would feel. Postpartum recovery felt longer with this last pregnancy. It took me a year to feel like me again, and I was okay with that. I had to accept this journey, and I stepped into it and tried to be kind to myself. I was surprised by how patient I was with myself and that I didn’t try to rush or “fix” all the feelings I was feeling.
The path full of struggle is paved with good intentions
I have an amazing and supportive family, but they didn’t always know how to support me during my postpartum. I’m also very reserved and quiet about it, so I often suffer in silence. A few people made comments about my body that would send me over the edge. I remember one day, a few weeks after giving birth, a relative said to me, “I always hear so much about how hard postpartum is, but you seem so great.”
What she didn’t know was that I was having one of the toughest days, and as she said that, my eyes started to well up, and I went to the bathroom and cried. She had no idea how much I felt like I was crumbling that day. While I know the comment came from love, it had the opposite effect. Others noticed my stress and gently suggested that it wasn’t the best thing to say, despite good intentions. It felt good to know some people understood how I felt.
Giving myself grace
The biggest life lesson I learned is that after you give birth, remember that your body just did something so magical, and it took a lot out of you. Give yourself some grace and patience during this journey. Be sure to talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling. Your feelings are valid and matter in your postpartum recovery and beyond.
